Kurkure Green Chutney Rajasthani Style

Origin - India
Rating - Not So Good
These could easily be mistaken for crunchy Cheeto's texture wise but they are bland and a smell like dog food with lime. Definitely not the worst chips I've had but just not that great, they're the slightest bit spicy and have a slight lime taste. What offends me is the back of the bag, look, if you know your product sucks don't try to influence me into dressing it up with bad recipes. I'm not going to shove these into a waffle cone with potatoes, that's just madness. I know, let's pour strawberry ramune in our eyes while we're at it. Someone needs to hold these guys down with a slap and finger point.
~Reviewed by Andy X 

Kurkure- Green Chutney
Rating: Donkey Shit
They look like hard cheezie's and smell like something went sour and died. And they taste like shards of some rancid old man's petrified socks. And they want me to ruin a perfectly good ice cream cone with these?
~Reviewed by Ms. K

Lay's Brand - India's Magic Masala

Origin - India
Rating - Boston Baked Beans
I'm not so sure about these. Don't get me wrong, I love Indian food but these are kinda funky. I could just be biased from my last masala experience (WRONG WRONG WRONG!!!). I like the fact that these are spicy and a little savory but there's this underlying funk that I don't care for. It's like a sour shoe taste, I don't know. Magic Masala is definitely not as "Dhak Dhak" as the bag claims and more "Burn it with fire" if it gets out of control.
~Reviewed by Andy X

Look, here's our friend again. "What...are...you...rambling...about...you...fucking...psycho?". India's answer to the Branch Davidians perhaps? It's a Dillogical mystery...

Magic Masala Lays
Rating: Boston Baked Beans
They smell like ginger and chili's as they should. It was a promising start.  The taste while you're chewing is frankly strange. There's a funk that I just can't put my finger on. But then the after taste is really nice and spicy. Yummy really. So I put another in my mouth and was reminded of how it was kinda gross...but then it was tasty again. And with each subsequent chip I felt stupider and stupider.
~Reviewed by Ms. K

Oishi Brand - Marty's Baconette Strips

Origin - Philippines
Rating - Good
If it weren't for the immediate stench of Paul Bunyan's taint upon opening the bag, I think I would have enjoyed them a little more. What's all this shit about "No Meat Goodness"? There's no bacon in the baconette strips. They taste close to pork rinds though, a little smokey and salty. They have a crunch close to flatted Funyuns but not soggy. They're not bad, a little beer always helps.
~Reviewed by Andy X

Baconette Strips
Rating: Good
Even though they were kind enough to include TBHQ (whatever the hell that is) to retard rancidity the pkg. still warns you to consume immediately after opening. So, let's move fast we don't want them to turn to dust Weenie Tots style. I was expecting these to have a horrendous gag inducing dog treat smell and was pleasantly surprised when it had an only mildly disgusting dog treat smell. But you know what? They're not bad. It's like Marty took a cheeto, put smoky bacon chip flavoring on it then ran it over with a steamroller.
~Reviewed by Ms. K

Kodomo No Nomimono Sangaria Soft Drink

Origin - Japan
Rating - Good
Step aside for wackiness, we present to you:  Kodomo No Nomimono Sangaria Soft Drink. It looks like beer and gets a head like beer but this is a drink from it's own magical kingdom. I originally thought this was some kind of "sangria", just spelled wrong (engrish, what you gone do?). It smells like rubber, a turn off but I've smelled much worse. It has the most bizarre taste, kinda like an artificial beer flavor mixed with apple cider and cream soda. Also, as Ms. K pointed out, it contains TUNA OIL!! Surprises! I have to admit I like it but it confuses me greatly (much like Japan).
~Reviewed by Andy X 

Kodomo near beer
Rating: Good
Mmmm sparkly appleish Japanese near beer. This is a pretty tasty soda. I wonder what's in this.... ummm tuna oil. Let's just try to forget that. But there's also beer flavouring. Is that a powder? Can you get it in a spray? Where can I get some of that!?!
~Reviewed by Ms. K

Okazaki Coffee Jelly

Origin - Japan
Rating - Awesome
We picked this up because, wtf?! It's coffee in jelly form! It comes in a 3 pack and includes a little creamer (which states coffee fresh, huh?)with each bowl. The first thing it did was spit coffee juices all over Ms. K's art desk when I opened it, but we'll forgive Okazaki because this may be the best product to ever be made....in history. It tastes like...well...coffee, but really good, slightly sweet coffee! I could eat this all day long. The creamer, however, has no taste and is the consistency of soap. To be fair I don't think it was meant to be refrigerated though, I left one on the counter to see if it thins up a bit.

Separate

Mixed (the creamer wouldn't dissolve into the jelly/jell-o)

 Here's the money maker: who the fuck has time to have a cup of coffee AND make some goddamn toast in the morning? Some rich, lazy son of bitch that's who! I present to you:

The Munchies de Sade Ultimate Breakfast (TM) for fuckers on the go:

No, really...this is bitchin!
~Reviewed by Andy X

Looking For: (help a fucker out!)

Occasionally, I come across an item too stupid for me not to have. However, I usually can't justify spending an arm and a leg just to disgust myself for your entertainment. There are a few items I would like to get my hands on that I would gladly pay for (if the price is right: don't be a fucker!) or even trade for (I've got every kind of international grocery store here in Winnipeg). You could also just send me something to up your "dude" creds. You can contact me at thrashdisaster(@)hotmail.com (only serious inquiries, I don't care about your grandpa's gout!)
Here's a couple I had in mind:

Larry the Cable Guy Cheeseburger Dinner Boxed Skillet Meal
(wow, yeah...really!)

Salty Watermelon Pepsi Cola
***ACQUIRED*** Review next month

Pepsi Ice Cucumber
(or ANY Japan/Other country exclusive Pepsi or soda product)

The illusive Trekking Mahlzeiten Cheeseburger in a Can
(hard to come by! don't know if they're making these anymore)

Grant's Haggis Curry
 (oh fuck no!)











 
Underwood Roast Beef Spread

 (I can almost think of nothing worse, well maybe Glutenous Tid-bits...)








Thanks, 
Andy X

Mystery Ramune, Condom Flavor?

 











Origin - Japan
Rating - Good
I wasn't sure what the flavor of this was when I bought it, what a risky experiment! It does have what appears to be a condom on the bottle so one can only assume it tastes like Alabama white fish.

After a sample, I'm pretty sure this is the popular "soda" flavor (it is blue for fuck's sake) that Japan likes to magically pump out. It's not bad and it's not too sweet like other "soda" (kinda like cream soda, cotton candy) products I've had. But you know what would make this even better? That's right,  
fuckin' booze!

Here's the recipe for a little cocktail I call:

The Innuendo:
1 OZ. Spice Box Spiced Whiskey
2 OZ. Condom Ramune
Ice