Glico Caplico Wafer Cookie

Origin - Japan
Rating - Good
Ms. K and I are familiar with the Glico name from their tasty Japanese curry that comes in bar form. So when we discovered this, we thought "what the fuck? try it!". I was hoping for something pretty weird but this is really just a big wafer cookie. What is weird though is the shape...just like how they form their curry, in "tablet bar form"! How uncreative! This has a layer of chocolate and vanilla stuff inside that's rock hard and doesn't really taste like much of anything. You can't really tell from the photo but I assure you, there is a layer. Not much else to tell, a small disappointment.
~Reviewed by Andy X

Spicy Oyster Omelet Flavor Chips (Brand Unkown)

Origin - Taiwan
Rating - Not So Good
Ignore ol' Yankee Joe Potato, he's not your friend. Neither are these chips. They have a sour fishy taste but are a little zesty as well. I'm not a fan. The idea was good but the taste never comes together to produce anything worthwhile. Not disgusting but not good. They stink as well. Oh I didn't mention the smell? Think fish market on a hot day, that and the smell they stick into hot dogs. Even still, I have a strange desire to eat them with dill pickle dip...how awful! I'm a bad person.
~Reviewed by Andy X

 

What the hell is "vegan meat flavor"??

Bohol's Finest Peanut Fingers

Origin - Philippines
Rating - Not So Good
This is the best Filipino cookie I've ever had. That's not doing it any justice, any Filipino cookies I've had have been absolute turds. This, you can at least swallow. It's hard and crunchy and tastes like peanuts. That's about it. They're pretty bland and boring. They look like they've been squeezed through a playdough factory shape, so....not completely like a turd.
~Reviewed by Andy X

Big Katsu

Origin - Japan
Rating - Donkey Shit
I don't know if someone has played a cruel joke on me or not but I'm 60% sure this is a dog treat, just as sure that the Japanese characters above "UP!" stand for "THROW". What's the fucking deal here, really?? It stinks like a barn, it's kinda rubbery and has some nearly indescribable fish taste. I'm not sure if the brown lines printed on are suppose to be "grill marks" or extra "flavor" (a cringe worthy flavor that one can only imagine is the taste of that little girl's hair from "The Ring").

The biggest Katsu allowed by law

What I don't forgive myself for is looking what's actually inside. Is it egg? Is it pure fat? Is it a piece of Sloth's skin from Goonies? Big Katsu is a mystery even Scooby fucking Doo would run from, stay away!

~Reviewed by Andy X

Kurkure Green Chutney Rajasthani Style

Origin - India
Rating - Not So Good
These could easily be mistaken for crunchy Cheeto's texture wise but they are bland and a smell like dog food with lime. Definitely not the worst chips I've had but just not that great, they're the slightest bit spicy and have a slight lime taste. What offends me is the back of the bag, look, if you know your product sucks don't try to influence me into dressing it up with bad recipes. I'm not going to shove these into a waffle cone with potatoes, that's just madness. I know, let's pour strawberry ramune in our eyes while we're at it. Someone needs to hold these guys down with a slap and finger point.
~Reviewed by Andy X 

Kurkure- Green Chutney
Rating: Donkey Shit
They look like hard cheezie's and smell like something went sour and died. And they taste like shards of some rancid old man's petrified socks. And they want me to ruin a perfectly good ice cream cone with these?
~Reviewed by Ms. K

Lay's Brand - India's Magic Masala

Origin - India
Rating - Boston Baked Beans
I'm not so sure about these. Don't get me wrong, I love Indian food but these are kinda funky. I could just be biased from my last masala experience (WRONG WRONG WRONG!!!). I like the fact that these are spicy and a little savory but there's this underlying funk that I don't care for. It's like a sour shoe taste, I don't know. Magic Masala is definitely not as "Dhak Dhak" as the bag claims and more "Burn it with fire" if it gets out of control.
~Reviewed by Andy X

Look, here's our friend again. "What...are...you...rambling...about...you...fucking...psycho?". India's answer to the Branch Davidians perhaps? It's a Dillogical mystery...

Magic Masala Lays
Rating: Boston Baked Beans
They smell like ginger and chili's as they should. It was a promising start.  The taste while you're chewing is frankly strange. There's a funk that I just can't put my finger on. But then the after taste is really nice and spicy. Yummy really. So I put another in my mouth and was reminded of how it was kinda gross...but then it was tasty again. And with each subsequent chip I felt stupider and stupider.
~Reviewed by Ms. K

Oishi Brand - Marty's Baconette Strips

Origin - Philippines
Rating - Good
If it weren't for the immediate stench of Paul Bunyan's taint upon opening the bag, I think I would have enjoyed them a little more. What's all this shit about "No Meat Goodness"? There's no bacon in the baconette strips. They taste close to pork rinds though, a little smokey and salty. They have a crunch close to flatted Funyuns but not soggy. They're not bad, a little beer always helps.
~Reviewed by Andy X

Baconette Strips
Rating: Good
Even though they were kind enough to include TBHQ (whatever the hell that is) to retard rancidity the pkg. still warns you to consume immediately after opening. So, let's move fast we don't want them to turn to dust Weenie Tots style. I was expecting these to have a horrendous gag inducing dog treat smell and was pleasantly surprised when it had an only mildly disgusting dog treat smell. But you know what? They're not bad. It's like Marty took a cheeto, put smoky bacon chip flavoring on it then ran it over with a steamroller.
~Reviewed by Ms. K

Okazaki Coffee Jelly

Origin - Japan
Rating - Awesome
We picked this up because, wtf?! It's coffee in jelly form! It comes in a 3 pack and includes a little creamer (which states coffee fresh, huh?)with each bowl. The first thing it did was spit coffee juices all over Ms. K's art desk when I opened it, but we'll forgive Okazaki because this may be the best product to ever be made....in history. It tastes like...well...coffee, but really good, slightly sweet coffee! I could eat this all day long. The creamer, however, has no taste and is the consistency of soap. To be fair I don't think it was meant to be refrigerated though, I left one on the counter to see if it thins up a bit.

Separate

Mixed (the creamer wouldn't dissolve into the jelly/jell-o)

 Here's the money maker: who the fuck has time to have a cup of coffee AND make some goddamn toast in the morning? Some rich, lazy son of bitch that's who! I present to you:

The Munchies de Sade Ultimate Breakfast (TM) for fuckers on the go:

No, really...this is bitchin!
~Reviewed by Andy X

Doritos - Soy Sauce & Mayonaise Flavour

Origin - Japan
Rating - Good
You can smell the mayo kind of but to be honest I couldn't really taste much. These are very mild with a slight sweet and salty flavour. I noticed right away that these are different from the Doritos we are used to here. They seem to be whole grain and they are a little crunchier, even the shape is different. There not bad but I think I like ours better. As for the soy sauce and mayo flavour....needed more of a punch but not bad.
Reviewed by Andy X

Chee-tos - Sukiyaki Flavoured

Origin - Japan
Rating - Awesome
Again, not what I expected. Very strange indeed! Smells like a bag of bacon but a little smokier. They taste somewhat like bacon Cpt. Crunch with a hint of soy sauce. The sweetness was something to get used too but I liked it. I expected them to have a cheese flavour thrown in the mix as they are Chee-tos (I think) but these are void of any cheese. Crazy but tasty...
Reviewed by Andy X
Review by Ms. K to come...

Wife Cakes

Origin - China Rating - Good
These are Wife Cakes from China. I picked
them up from the International grocery store
in Windsor. Kind of a flakey pastry with
chewy goop inside. The goop is made from a number of mashed up
ingredients like melon, coconut, and wife. They are apparently
"durian" flavour, whatever that is.
Damn these wives are good! Reviewed by Sean G.

La-La - Takoyaki Fried Octopus Flavoured Snacks

Origin - Philippines
Rating - Awesome
Before trying these I kept saying to myself "C'mon Philippines, Don't do this to me again!". The picture of the octo-balls on the bag look promising but upon reading the ingredients and learning they are cassava/rice chips, I didn't really know what to expect. After opening I notice right away this challenge won't be that bad, they don't smell like satan's taint! They actually smell good, best described as sweet. They taste fantastic, dare I say one of the best chips ever? They taste slightly sweet but have a really mellow Japanese tempura & yakisoba kinda thing. They have a really nice savory flavour and the texture reminds me of less crunchy Munchos. Try these if you can find them, you won't be sorry!!
Reviewed by Andy X









Review by Ms. K to come...

Kalamares - Pacific Squid Rings Squid Flavoured Snack

Origin - Philippines
Rating - Donkey Shit

Day 19 ~ 5th day without food:
I've been trapped underground in this secret lab for what seems like a century with nothing to eat for 5 days now. The groans of my stomach keep me awake at night. I've eaten the last of the copy paper and nothing remains but this case of "Kalamares Squid Rings". I keep telling myself "maybe they'll taste like Fun-yuns" but my good senses tell me otherwise. I break. I open a bag to discover the sharp scent of "animal feed mill", at least they don't have bits of black shit on them as the picture suggests. Why do they come with vinegar? An initial taste leads me to my original thought of "Fun-yuns (although stale)" but with a pungent extra that quickly goes from half-ass to holy shit. I keep telling myself "after a while the taste morphs to Limburger Cheese BUT THIS CAN'T BE!!!". I decide the vinegar is probably the way to go, maybe it'll cover up this terrible funk that lives in my mouth as some kind of Limburger parasite. No, dipping them does not help....it just adds vinegar to the flavour dumpster. How could I be so naive? I tossed the bag over my shoulder and chose starvation.
Reviewed by Andy X





Review by Ms. K to come....

Coconut Jelly - Lychee Flavour

Origin - Taiwan
Rating - Good

This Lychee Flavor Coconut Jelly from Taiwan. I picked this up at Wal-Mart in the International section. There is about ten individual packets in the bag. At first I thought this might be like the jelly you would spread on your toast. They are actually more like a jello shot without the alcohol. Kind of odd but tasty. Remember to "chew thoroughly before swallowing". Good!
Reviewed by Sean G.

Corn Potago??

Origin - Japan
Rating - Good

This was some kind of corn candy thing that got thrown in with a Kit Kat order from Japan. It was like a big tube made from corn. It was sweet, salty, and very corny all at the same time. It was good but very corny tasting. Reviewed by Sean G.

Mojileez Masala Chips

Origin - India 
Rating - Donkey Shit
These are potato chips from India that I got at the
Indian Grocery Store. They taste like fucking cardboard.
How the fuck do you fuck up fucking potato chips? The
masala spice was pretty good but the chips were so dry
and wrong, I have to give these the lowest possible rating.
I made it through two fucking chips. Two!!!
Reviewed by Sean G.

Koh-Kae Coffee Coated Peanuts

Origin - Thailand
Rating - Good
These are Koh-Kae Coffee Coated Peanuts from Thailand. I picked
them up at the International Grocery Store in Windsor. At first,
I thought these would be odd but then I remembered hazelnut coffee
is pretty good. These were really good too.
Reviewed by Sean G.